It’s my birthday. My reflections on turning 40!
This picture of me was taken when I was around 5 or 6. My father had to cut off my hair because of a scalp condition. I sent this picture to a close friend after I cut my hair and she wrote “That girl was bold and fearless even back then!” That’s how she sees me, it almost made me tearful, because it has taken the last 35 years for that girl to genuinely shine back through! I feel like I can now see myself as myself, perfectly flawed and (nearly) completely accepting of who I am!!
For starters, I’ve barely aged and I look great!! Yaaaaasss!
But seriously, my first reflection is on my career journey. For the last two decades, I was running a marathon to reach a finish line. Once I arrived, I wanted more. There was new finish line, not quite perfectly in focus, but still a new race to be run. Now, I’m in a full out sprint because for the first time I have complete clarity about myself- my future wants and aspirations, who I am, and who I want to be! A future that is 100% shaped by what I want for myself. I am a little fearful, but not afraid. It’s the same clarity that was native to 5 year old me - confident, explorative, unapologetic, self-accepting, and still secretly a little bit afraid of the dark.
Secondly, here are my thoughts on my own emotional maturity. Through counseling, reading, and Oprah’s podcasts (seriously), I’m about 95% aware of what drives my emotional regressions. This took decades for me to uncover! I’ve come to terms with the micro traumas that my younger self experienced that have made me perfectly imperfect. I’m finally in touch with my body enough (because it really is a physical feeling) to be able to tell when 6-year-old me is coming to the surface and having a tantrum. Hopefully, in my 50s I can figure out how to actually settle her down!
Third, my reflections on parenting - the greatest mirror of all time! Parenting magnifies all my “flaws”, sensitivities, and personality traits. I get schooled about myself every day when one of my sons literally, word for word or gesture for gesture, throws the bad part of me back at myself! It stings...and it makes me sad. But I’m learning from it and I realize the best parts of me shine through them also. Every child is traumatized in SOME way by their parents, my goal is to do my part to minimize it but also to cut myself a little slack.
Health and fitness are key for me. The not so sexy fourth reflection is that my 40-year-old GI tract is a delicate flower! When I was 7, I would go to the penny candy store and literally eat hundreds of pieces of candy! The stomach was rock solid!! Over the last three years, I’ve had to essentially cut out EVERYTHING from my diet. Let’s see - I realized that my CONSTANT late morning nausea and ongoing sinus congestion was due to an intolerance to diary (not lactose) but milk proteins! Arghhh! I’m Nigerian - it’s like, would you like some tea with your morning milk sort of thing! Now, I have tea and coffee with coconut creamer and it’s depressing. Red meat has been cut out for about a year or more, all other non-seafood meats have been cut out for several weeks now. Oh yeah, and no wine or alcohol in two years because for some reason my liver wanted to act up (over 3 or 4 glasses of wine a month!) and.....how about we cut out added sugar because that pretty much makes me feel like crap too😫😫. I mean I do feel better …. but geez! Not sure what will be left to eat in my 50s. Even my beloved leafy greens are causing me trouble, but I refuse to let them go, I’m a graduate of Kale University! But this is a part of being 40, listening to your body, making adjustments, and living a healthy and fit life!
Finally, the MOST important thing to me in my life are my relationships - my ride or die friends and family. My sister tells me I’m the most antisocial social person she’s knows! I’ve kept only a few key people with me from each major stage of life who really get me, and I treasure them. I mean, I get along very well with people because I genuinely care about others, I’m kind of a nurturer (really, ask my former patients!), but a major part of me is also super private! Finally at 40 though, I’ve learned that with transparency comes vulnerability (which is so counter to my natural instincts) and with vulnerability comes a different kind of strength (Enter- website launch, social media, and blogging ..shot out to my sister in law (@udoaphotography) for that pearl). I need to be more open because we ARE social beings. I’ve finally internalized that people appreciate the vulnerability and (some) transparency!
What have you taken away from your last milestone birthday? I would love to hear!
Happy birthday to me!
Take care of you!
Dr. Eva
XOXOXOXOXO